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Every shirt on display reflects the personal experience of its creator and may contain graphic material including: swear words, explicit violent or sexual descriptions, drug references, or other statements surrounding the trauma the individual faced.

Because our goal is to break the silence of violence, we do not censor the shirts. We support and encourage survivors in their healing process.

If you allow your children to view the display, we highly encourage you to discuss these issues before and after attending the exhibit.

Shirt with the writing: I know your name

Select an icon to learn about the
Meaning of each color and sound

BROWN or GRAY: Survivors of emotional, spiritual, or verbal abuse

WHITE: Someone who died because of violence

BLACK: Someone disabled as the result of an attack or someone assaulted because of a disability

BLUE or GREEN: Survivor of incest or childhood sexual abuse.

RED, PINK, ORANGE: Survivor of rape or childhood sexual abuse.

YELLOW: Survivor of physical assault or domestic violence

PURPLE: Someone attacked because of their sexual orientaton

The GONG is struck to indicate someone is being battered.

The WHISTLE is blown to indicate a rape is being reported. Keep in mind that most rapes are not reported.

The BELL is rung to indicate that someone has died in a violent attack.

I was 14 or 15…time is not super clear for me…even now. But I wasn't "innocent" either--I'd had sex before--BUT NO ONE "DESERVES" TO BE RAPED. Almost 10 years later, I had a few close calls, but was starting to feel "safe" again…like it could never happen again. I was WRONG & I'm slowly coming to terms with that.

I hate that I share this burden with my MOM, DAD, & all (4) of my sisters--we all have our own stories & it breaks my heart most of my friends have stories...there are too many and each one is a TRAGEDY.

You can get through this. We can help one another survive. - ZORA 2018
I’M NOT OKAY!
And that's okay!
I thought it was my fault. I thought no one would care. To this day he's still out there. He was my mom's dad. Makes me sick to see him with MY family. I can't even go to family events. Fuck you, dude!
ROBIE

Your spirit is free
Your girls are safe
You are always with us
We still see your smile & hear your laugh
He can't hurt you anymore

#endthesilence #stopdomesticviolence
#believeforrobie
#believeingood
#riseforrobie
You were my big brother. You told me it was normal to have your brother to touch you. You showed me how much 'bigger' your penis was getting every day. One day mom walked in and I started crying. Neither of you ever said anything again. Why me? Mom why didn't you comfort me? Why didn't he apologize? WHY?
Assaulted while sleeping - 15 y/o
Raped by coercion - 16 y/o
Anal rape - 17 y/o
Forcible rape - 18 y/o
Forcible rape - 19 y/o
Assaulted while sleeping - 21 y/o
Assaulted on a date (force to give head) - 22 y/o
Assaulted by a boyfriend - 22 y/o
I'm 23 now and only wonder - when will it happen next?
To my sweet daughter:
You suffered neglect & abuse @ the hands another who was hurting. You were nearly drowned and verbally abused. Stuck under the day bed on the trundle bed as punishment. You were smothered with a blanket.
You were 2 & 3 yr old!!!
...Then...She saved you & we got to adopt you!
You are a survivor!!! We [heart] you! You are SAFE!!!
You constantly abused me & manipulated me. Your abuse was sexual, physical, spiritual, & emotional. I am not week. I will never let what you did define me. You no longer have control over me.

For anyone reading this who is a survivor: You are strong and you are worth it. Keep fighting.
You were married to the kingpin of an Italian mafia. He hit you, he yelled at us, he threw my brother against the wall and hit him. I would go to bed wondering if you would be alive in the morning. You called the police and he fled the country. He sent us death threats, told us that if he could come back he would slash our throats, use my mom for her slutty body and kill her and then leave us for dead in the dirty dumpster. He would email pictures of ou house with each new move. Every time I check my closets, do a walk through of each room and close my blinds--because what if today is the day you make a move?

11 years later--I am married to the love of my life who shows and tells me how beautiful and "worth it" I am. I love him so much! I am in Graduate School to become a social worker to help the youth in my community work through and provide resources to overcome their own trauma. I will no longer be a victim of your threats, and you will no longer be the monster hiding in my thoughts. I am free, and I hope you can receive help to work past your own demons.

"and here you are living despite it all" - Rupi Kaur
A Grandpa….
Does
-Respect
-Love
-encourage
-support

Does not
-touch breast
-touch there
-give "massages"
- buy them "thongs"
-take pictures
-take their innocence

Greg, you are NOT their Grandpa!!
TT,

You called me your best friend…you said you would never hurt me, instead you hurt me, broke me, ruined my life & took something I will NEVER get back. You suck and karma's a bitch, asshole.

I AM ENOUGH!
My father sexually abused me & my 3 sisters since birth. We've never talked about it. I wish would we need to heal our traum [sic]
I've been studying closure lately. I'm 23 & the last 5 years have brough Freedom + Healing. I'm not sure forgiveness towards them is necessary, but…I HAVE come to accept, forgive, & love myself. I know I may always be effected by them, but I found my way into a meaningful major where I can make a difference. And the Door to Closure is neither open nor closed. I have given myself permission to continue, but also revisit when I need to. Returning to therapy doesn't mean I have let PTSD crush me again, it means I've opned another opportunity for progress. I have found when I choose to lean into the SHAME, fear, and ANGER, I can take my POWER BACK, and I can Breathe Again!

[left side]: Generations Fell. I choose DIFFERENTLY! I Choose Love, Empathy, Strength, Voice

[right side]: After years of therapy I finally feel Real + Empowered and Human.
You touched me. You made me cry. I'm scared of U and I know why.

The things you did that night weren't right.

-Scared
-Powerless
- Confused

Never knowing why
To those are distraught who feel hopeless
You Matter
I've been hurt by my ex because she wouldn't validate my concerns and feelings that I had with my depression. I forgive you and hope you can understand to be able to make this world a better place.
To dio Julio R
You sexually abused me for about 3 years. I never told anyone because I thought that I was going to get into trouble. You put me in a place where I didn't want to be you stupid ass basterd [sic]. I don't know if I could forgive you or not but know I know that if I could get it out I wouldn't get into trouble. Know your own brother doesn't want to be around you because they are on my side even though your mom and other siblings believe you.
from Brandon
16 years went by without anyone knowing. One teacher helped me get help, but no amount of help can make the permanent trauma go AWAY.
Abused, beaten, and Neglected throughout my childhood. I grew up feeling I was never ENOUGH. My first Sexual Experience I was made to feel it was MY fault. That I "SEDUCED" Him.

I suffered "EXTREME CRUELTY" at the Hands of MY Husband. My babies were Exposed to DOMESTIC violence as Newborns.

Every Relationship I have had I AM Left feeling USED, LIED TO, and THROWN AWAY LIKE TRASH, that I am BROKEN that I will never be ENOUGH for someone to LOVE me.
I'm doing better now, no thanks to you
(Dad)
you may have hurt me But it hurt worse nowing [sic] you hurt my family. It caused my pain But now I stand strong With myself set free. I'm Not scared anymore im [sic] Free.
Everyone can be set Free
You took advantage of my innocence. Even when I questioned you, you told me you would never lose control enough to where you would cross boundaries. But you did! You promised you would never hurt me, but you did! You told me so many lies. You even hid who you really are. You were 100% a different person behind closed doors. You told me I was just being sensitive and over dramatic. You told me I needed to watch my weight (I was 105 lbs). You told me I was pretty except _____. And I believed you. Because you loved me right? You only told me those things because you were trying to help me be a better person right? These are the things I told myself to excuse your behavior. You are a narcissistic sociopath! You slowly destroyed every piece of me to the point that I didn't remember who I was anymore. Now I'm rebuilding myself from the ground up.
Dear Uncles A&C,

A: 9 years you put me through hell, from the time I was 4 to 12. You touched me in places no one should be touched. You'd take me into the bathroom then start forcing me to take my clothes off. Then you'd start kissing me even after I told you to stop. You'd always end though, with putting yourself inside me. I told you it hurt, but did you stop, NO. Finally you'd threaten me saying no one would believe me if I told, but if I did you'd do it to my sister.

C: Even though your deaf (can't hear) you can and could understand me that I did not want to be touched by you or you forcing me to touch you. I tried telling you to stop multiple times in multiple different ways for you to understand so you being deaf isn't an excuse. It scares me to think your a father.

What surprises me is that you both were abusing me at the same time and stopped around the same time but you both never knew what you were both doing it. I still think you both don't know you both abused me because nothing was done when I reported it. My own mom who was/is supposed to protect me stood up for you saying "nothing happened." It's been 3 years since you've stopped & I'm still having trouble trusting males w/out feeling a little uncomfortable. I'll probably always be scarred but I know for a fact I'm going to make myself better than you!

-Your Niece, A.D.

IT HURTS!
STOP PLEASE!
WHY WON'T ANYBODY SAVE ME?
WHAT DID I DO?
WHY ME?
NO!!!
STOP!!!
MOM...?
Part of healing is being able to tell your story. I never felt like mine was worthy of telling. It was consensual, right? At least there was no way I would get pregnant…But you were 22 and I was 13. YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO ADVANTAGE OF A CHILD. After I realized it I was done with you, you stalked me, threatened me, intimidated me. I still have nightmares about you. About how you hurt me. About how you could hurt me. What you did was inexcusable. I have no idea where you are or where life has taken you but I hope you carry pain like I carry mine. I think about you more than I'd like to, but I'm moving forward. YOU. DISGUST. ME.
Cienna
R.I.P.
Oct. 19, 18

For years you were abused, your dad & then your husband. You killed your husband in self defense, 1 day later you shoot yourself in your car.

You will be remembered
Dear Brother

You sexually abused me. You not only hurt but hurt others in our family. I hope that one day you would leave but you didn't leave until someone told on you. I am made that you abused 23 people and me! So screw you! You are nasty. I still have dreams of me when I was a baby. I still love you as a brother but won't forget what you did to me!

D.C.
I told you no. You did it anyway. I told you I didn't feel comfortable. You did it anyway. I pushed you off of me, you thought it was now a challenge and it turned you on. I pushed you off of me 2 more times and rolled to try to get away, so you jumped on my back and started groping my vagina. But it was over clothes so that made it ok right? NO! I pushed you off of me again but you kept coming back. So I finally went numb and stopped fighting. It wasn't helping anyway. You brinded on me so hard that I couldn't wear jeans the next day. I was so bruised for days. It even hurt to wear sweats. That's only one of the times you bruised me. You threw me into walls and the hard back of a couch because you were just being "passionate."

Violence is not Passion!!!

You took so much from me. I can't even have sex with my husband because it triggers a panic attack. I have to live with the consequences of YOUR decisions everyday because I have PTSD. You abused me physically, sexually, verbally, and emotionally. You are an asshole. I wish someone would hurt you like you hurt me.

Just remember God counts my tears. There have been many and someday justice will be served!

You are not a good person, even though you went to the temple weekly. You said "there are 3 reasons why you can take off your garments and they all start with 'S.'" (sports, swimming, and sex) You disgust me. I will no longer let you ruin my life!!!
You showed me things I didn't want to see and now I am suffering as well as my family. But I forgive U. Family, I am sorry. -J.J.
Dad,

Living in your house was like soaking in a stew of constant threats & violence. I'm still afraid every time I hear footsteps on stairs. I'm 42.

But I'm OK.

We're OK.

Without You.
You were supposed to be my safest place. You should have been the one person to listen. For years, I told parts of my story without even seeing it for what it was. RAPE. I was in denial. It's not rape between husband and wife, right? But when there's screaming and pleading, and BEGGING for it to stop, what else could it be? You always thought you knew best. You were an alien in that moment. Never had my life experience felt so incomprehensibly different from someone else's. Sex continued to be excruciating for the next while; painful for the next year. You gaslighted me and tried to silence my true self until I became the robot you wanted me to be. I WOKE UP, though.

You still haunt me, but every day your ghost fades a little bit more. Everyday I gain a little bit ore of my power back from you. I get to decide who I am now.
I was only 5 years old when my uncle moved in with my family. He raped me and my sister for years. He threatened to kill & hurt us if we ever said anything. My sister told because she had enough. She was called a liar by everyone, even by our uncle who raped us. I stayed quiet (out of fear) for years. I live with the pain of what that MONSTER did everyday. I am 20 years old now and still wake up screaming and crying with memories and flashbacks of what he did. I hate him everday for causing so much pain in my life. I am a survivor & stronger.

-P
I was 3 when my ~~dad~~ he left my mother my sister and I. You never saw us or supported us in any way. At 12 my mother sacrificed so much to send me there. Those monsters hurt me. They raped me, taught me I was a sissy faggot. You put evil in a little boys head. Now every day I want to put a bullet in my fucking head. I never will. I am not a coward.
I am stronger TODAY because of my experiences

You are enough!

Don't be afraid to make changes in your life!

[left sleeve]: Change you life!

[right sleeve]: Be happy!
8: It was a neighbor girl
11-13: My own cousin
13: My first rape on school grounds.
13-19: Toxic relationships, one more rape & sex to make boys like me & an abusive relationship
After 9 years of therapy, a failed court case, & being pushed down stairs, sweared at, manipulated & abused, I healed.

I HEALED

i am free
To Dio D--
You were an same kind of crack. You stabed my aunt at times in front of your own child. You almost killed you own wife. Sometimes I think it was for me. You tried to hid [sic] you kidnapped 3 kids. I hope you stay in prison.
From Brandon
Also from Michael and all of your kids
It's been 11 years. I was sexually abused by others after him but by far--my unclde did the most damage.

3 hospitalization, 1 as an adult, self-harm, disordered eating, perfectionsim, withdrawl, foster care, nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance, intellectualization

2 1/2 years of EMDR, after 8 1/2 years of talk therapy

Writing, running, singing

spirituality & connection

A bachelors degree & master's in 2020

No longer a victim

SHAME

Still, I will always remember
"Hey Mom, It's me. I have something I need to tell you…"
You didn't even let me finish.
Well, guess what?
I'm Queer!
And ya can never take that away from me!
Gay Trans
Bye is love
I loved you. I trusted you. You hurt me. You manipulated me. You controlled me. You RAPED me. Now I am scared all the time. I can't trust anyone. I don't feel safe, especially at school. I feel alone.

I am in therapy. I am trying to get better.
I work every day to forgive myself.
I am taking back my body.

I am more than what you did.
-L.R.B.
my [drawing of wings] with LOVE wing
It has taken years for me to admit/accept that what happened to me was not my fault. What has happened to you is not your fault. Be strong. Be brave. We can get through this together by accepting our stories and owning them. You are not alone.
I'm reminded of your actions far too often. I bleed. I convulse. I cry unable to stop sometimes. I feared that I would never love, that you image would restrict every aspect of existence. I have found strength. I know, I feel & found love.

This is my story & I choose to be brave, love

I pray for you sometimes but...

-My Finest Hour
Mariah Jewel
aka Buttercup
December 3, 1996 - November 20, 2002
My beautiful niece
MURDERED
by my sister...
Her very own "MOTHER"
REAL MOMS don't kill their children
You may not have hurt me physically buy you sure did mentally! - Malika
Maybe it was my sweatpants or ill fitting hoodie that "enticed" you…perhaps it was our years of friendship that made you think you had some claim to my 16 year old body. Maybe you thought that because we had just graduated that it didn't matter, but it did. I hope that you never forget the way my motionless, drugged body felt under your cruel grasps. I hope one day your mom sees the video your friends took, but most of all...I hope you have to look me in the eyes again.
They all blamed it on me. Told me I'll never be good enough. No one believed me or understood me. I spent years wondering if I'd ever be normal.

I survived.

2 Domestic Abusers
2 sexual Abusers
2 child sexual abusers

Emotion
Physical
Sexual
When you told the judge you did it, all of my friends said, "Why did you tempt him? It's your fault." You groomed my friends just like you groomed N.P. Eat shit, asshole.
People may deny what happened to me because "I was too young" to understand but I know what really happened…I don't know if I can forgive you but I know God will provide a way. For so long I felt like you broke me but I know NOW that my body belongs to ME NOT YOU.

[left sleeve]: "He's a good LDS kid, he wouldn't do something like that!" - Mother of sexual assaulter

[right sleeve]: "You were only 6...you probably just didn't understand that BOYS WILL BE BOYS."

[neck]: To victims of sexual assault..you are beautiful!!
You told me my mom looked like a guy because she pulled her hair up. You told me my dad was retarded because I look like him. I thought that because we had seizures meant that I looked retarded. I still don't feel.
WFL
How appropriate…you came over to share your favorite candy with your favorite friend & you forced me into your favorite position on your favorite spot & now I'm writing about it on your favorite color. Thanks for my favortie band. You do not get that too. You like it, though.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

I'm stronger than you
That didn't happen.
You wanted it before
Well, with how you've been dressing
He's a good kid
You still have to get along
Pain
Crying
Fear
Silence is NOT consent
Freezing up was my physical response
I kept my eyes closed
I can't trust anyone
Dating is impossible
I needed surgery to repare the tears

[left sleeve]: If she is NOT saying YES enthusiastically she is saying NO
you were my sisters boyfriend...
I Said NO!
I thought because my had an orgasim…that it was my Fault!
Its NOT! But...
I'm a Survivor!
Its a pitty my niece has you as a father! I see your face every time I look at her. She is beautiful!
I'll make sure she knows how to look for signs, fight, and protect herself from people like you!
The Forgiveness is for myself...not you!
-nikole 2018
I trusted you the most, you said I could, once you gained my trust, in my time of need & most vulnerable you RAPED me. One day I hope I can forgive you for taking away something I'm trying to get back. I said NO!
Also NOT asking for consent:
"You know you want it"
"Please," being drunk
"I'll be quick"
"You're so wet"
Kissing or kissing back
"I paid for dinner"
"I fixed your car"
"You owe me"

Consent means:
Can I kiss you?
Can I touch you?
Are you ok with this?
Do you want to?

[left sleeve]: Consent & communication are HOT. Force is NOT.
MV

R.I.P. C.O.N.

I'm so sorry that your family didn’t care enough to want to keep you safe from yourself. I kow life was hard. You knew you could always talk to me. I just wish I was enough. I hope you are doing better up there with God. He will keep you safe now. I'll see you soon buddy! [heart]/K.M.T.

Suicide hurts...
...But missing you hurts worse...
I AM A SURVIVOR!
I will never forget
I am worth loving
I am innocent
Worthy
12 years of hell
I am free
I deserve my forgiveness
I am whole
I am healing
Fighter
I can do this
I am grateful to be free
I didn't deserve it
Mark, I forgive you
I don't have to trust you ever again
I am good enough
My friends left me at that party.
You said you would help me.
Then you RAPED me.
March 17, 2018
You got away.
Cops did nothing.
I'm still broken.
I wake up to the sound of yelling between my mother and father. I go to check it out. I see my sister hiding in the corner of the living room. Then you pick mom up and slam her against the wall till she has a seizure. Then my sister runs to mom and she tells me to "run" so I do and you run afterme. I run into a forest. Then you catch up to me and pull my hair to turn me around. Then you pick me up by the nect and slam my head into the tree till I pass out. When I finally awake I'm in the dirt. My head is throbbing. So I feel the back of my head and it gets wet so I pull away to see what it is and my hand is covered in blood and ever since I can't stand the sight of a lot of blood. When you did this I had so many questions.Why would you do this? Wasn't I your little girl? What does this happen? Is this what fathers do to there [sic] little girl? -AJ
[Drawing of a face with tear-brimmed eyes]
You changed me.
But.
I am strong.
I am smart.
I am a survivor.
You took my virginity.
But you will never take away my meaning.
Stay strong.
M.H. 2018
You were my friend. I was 16. You pinned me down. Told me I was worthless, that I'm just a fat ass. I told the bishop. He blamed me! Told me it was my fault for what I was wearing. Because of you I HATE church, because of you I HATE my body. You fucked me up in every way. BUT I'm strong. You have no more control over me. FUCK YOU THOMAS!
I was 16
I trusted you
You locked the cardoors
I couldn't see anything
But I could feel your breath, your hands, your body
You wouldn't drop me off until I thanked you for going out of your way
I came home past curfew and was lectured about respect
Now I'm told I "used to be so full of light, what happened?"
Everyone still Loves you
But they Don't know YOU

FUCK YOU
I AM WORTH IT!
It wasn't my fault
I am not to blame
Suvivor
I can do this!
I love myself!
Victim no more
I forgive for me
Stronger
I am making it
I can create a new life
I am lovable
I am good enough
I protect me now
I deserve the healing
I WAS SEVENTEEN.

You asked me if
-I WANTED IT (no)
-I LIKED HIM (I did not)
-I DID IT BECAUSE I ENJOYED IT (no)

You were my boyfriend. You were supposed to care that your boyfriend was sexually mistreated while you were dating him

but I guess I shouldn't have expected much from the boyfriend who didn't know what "NO" means.

Fuck you. I don't miss you, bunny.

CIS
I was supposed to be there for them but I was not. I'm sorry guys. HL
My female boss told me every day PTSD--get over it. You are no good. "You just [don't] have what it takes"

You - L.F. committeed fraud - 2019

Me - D.V. survivor MLL/MSW
pemdaja - mensa - bad mom - idiota - stupid - bad wife

I pray our son NEVER grows up to be like you. You hurt me with works. You never hit me, my bruises were INSIDE. I was isolated, alone, depressed. You called me a bad mom, but I'm NOT. You stole the light from my eyes, but now I have it back. I'm HAPPY now. I'm LOVED now. I AM ENOUGH!

smart - funny - good wife - supportive - caring - beautiful - loved - happy - great mom
"I can't control myself"

Does not give you permission to touch my girls! You are their "grandpa." They suffer every day, physically, mentally, & emotionally. I hope you get what's coming to you, & that you rot in hell for what you've done.

*Believe with they report!*
*Trust your gut!

NEVER Again
I & my husband chose to end your cycle of emotional abuse when I joined your family. I still hold no ill feelings toward you, but do you SEE what you've done? You could have loved those boys & given them your best. Instead you starved them of your LOVE, did things to let them know you hated them & alienated them form their new siblings. The result has been different for each For my husband it has been a lifetime of hating himself & finding addictive ways to cope. He is an amazing man who now does not know how to connect w/me...but he knows how to shut off all emotions & walk away from emotional pain. NOW...my children are suffering because their parents are divorcing. You could have just loved them!
The MTC was a new hell for me. I went in a month after you forcer yourself on me. While my district was trying to learn [foreign characters] I was dealing w/the PTSD. The flashbacks were so mind consuming.

Oh God. How I learned.

I do wonder how you justify it to yourself, I mean you did wait and paused while I was crying and sniffling, Iger. I told you I did not want to, you told me that you didn't want to stop. Iger you are abusive. You told me it was MY fault. My hair, my music, my choice, you lied.

My mission saved my life.

By the time I got back you were engaged to someone else. I thought/wanted to tell her but I didn't. I didn't want to face you. I chose to protect myself before her.

I would still be in that hell if it were not for my Bishop. My pain, that understanding saved me.

I loved you.

You can't take away my future. You CANNOT take away my relationship with God. You cannot!
Gaige,
You hurt me!!! You raped me days after my baptism! You asked me to walk you home when you were drunk. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe--I don't know why, you deserved to walk home along you drink ass. Before I knew it you were on top of me...I can't even say more because it's so painful...I told you to stop but you just kept going. I tried to pretend it didn't happen & it worked for a while, but then it happened...I couldn't pretend anymore. Every time I am walking, & I see someone like you I get scared. It's because of you that I get scared. It's because of you that I have nightmares. It's because of you that I tried to kill myself twice.

I hate you!!! I am a daughter of God, & I deserve to be treated like one! Fuck you Gaige! I hope I will meet someone & marry someone who will treat me right someday. I don't think I can ever forgive you..

-A Survivor Not a Victim
#ChannelingBrave

[left sleeve]: It hurts how could you do this to me!

[right sleeve]: I feel used! & I feel worthless!
"You don't love me unless we have sex."
"I'd never cheat."
"I'll kill myself if you leave me."
"You would be prettier if you dressed sluttier."
"You're not enough."
DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES
I said NO! But you kept going. I had no friends. There wasn't enough evidence. I've been healing for 1 1/2 years and still get nightmares.

-Date rape survivor (AK)
6/16/18
Because of gang violence you was shot for no reason. You were shot in the biggest thing that made you who you were.
A loving
-wife
-mom
-nana

May Love Always Remind Me

#beautiful #loving #caring #smart #strong #passionate #ambitious #amazing #affectionate #considerate #clean #restless #talented #hardworking #besthostess #courageous #determined
As a little girl I looked up to you. I wanted to be just like my mom until you told me I was a mistake & was not smart enough for school or worth of it. It took me years. Mom, look @ me now. I am not your little girl anymore & I can do whatever I want BC I am amazing.
You HURT me. WHY? How could you? Well guess what no more no more I am free
MH 10-23-19
[neck]: You haven't told anyone, have you?

Both brothers!

10-24-19

I'm your brother, you have to LOVE me.

You cut me DEEP,
And you left me scarred
Now there's so many thoughts
Running through my BRAIN
I still love you
But sometimes I think it's all a game
Forgive, Forget
That's what they say
Don't worry, It will take the pain away
From 5 to 12
You put me through HELL
4 years of foster care
I've had my share
16 to now, Your [sic] going to stand back & say WOW
You were the ones who were meant to love me the most. Never were the greatest but good enough. Till you heard I was gay. Suddenly all the love left. Told me I wouldn't get your love. Made me feel like I will never be enough. Why should anyone love me if my parents can't. God or no god, you shouldn't hate me for loving someone. I have to learn to relearn to love myself. I'm only still here because I fond a new family.
It's been 2 years. You wouldn't recognize me anymore.
I AM FREE!
I'm still trying to understand God and justice & mercy. But I hope you deeply repent.
You cannot hurt me anymore.
I do not believe your lies.
I don't hate myself anymore.
There is no demons within, nothing on the oustide matters. You cant turn me against me.
Fuck you.
I'm not your "wet bitch."
I am not your "Queen."
I am my own person.
And best of all, I am away from you.
I AM HAPPY.
Oh ya, and Moana is AWESOME.

[left sleeve]: It hurts when people don't believe me. But the truth is undeniable.
I was a little kid inacent [sic] and took that away from me! I hope you go to jail cause that were [sic] you really Belong.
Family Shouldn't Hurt family like that.
WHEN I WAS ABUSED.
AHANA MEAN FAMILY. MEAN NO ONE gets LEFT Behide [sic] OR Forgotten. I was forgotten & left behind until I caught up.
FUCK YOU JAMES.
Mat'E MA'A TONGA.
DEAD or Die for family or island.
I LOVE MY FAMILY. YOU'LL NEVER Hurt me or my family AGAIN OR NEVER.
MOM, WHY?

Why was I the one you used? Was I nothing to you?
You let people rape me for the fucking fact or drugs.
Mom I'm your daughter, NOT some sex toy. The only way I saw you is if you wanted something. Mothers aren't supposed to abandon thier child and come back when they want drugs. Mom that is fucked up. I hope you can take responsibility for your actions.

TO ALL MY ABUSERS:
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What you did was not okay. NOBODY deserves that.
Why would you? How? You took so many things away from me. I went from smooth to a fucking porcupine. Because of you. You guys left me suicidal. You guys left me alone. You HURT me. How does it feel knowing that. You guys are FUCKING NASTY RATS! Get the fuck out of my life and stay out.

TO MYSELF: You are a survivor. Fuck the people that hurt you because you are worth it!

10/23/19

A.H.
I always believed it would never happen to me. It did. A bishops son can be just as evil as anyone else. I hid the abuse for 2 years. I ran away every time he wouldn't leave my apartment. I'm 26 now. I'm done running. I'm done hiding his secrets. Westin, you are not a good man. I am worthy. I'm strong. I am loved. You no longer control me. You do no get to make me small. You are not a good man. - Patty
You beat me you broke me, you broke my trust all because you told me I "must." I must kiss you must hold your hand. I this close to leaving earth and going to the promise land. But I didn't give up no not me and I'm happier without you can't you see. Or are you as dumb as I thought you to be. You BROKE MY HEART But I put it back together. You and what you did. No I kept it and it made me STRONG. I loved you and that's important to me cuz I'm a survivor and you need to know that cuz you let me down and tried [sic].

I try hurt myself but no longer for you.
She wasn't your biological daughter, but you were the only "father" that she ever knew. She is my role model me my Big Sister.
Why did I love you? "You guys are such a cute couple." Oh really? He beat me, molested me and forced a blowjob EVERY NIGHT.
"It helps me cope."
"You are so beautiful"
"I love you."
"No one else wants you"
"You are mine."
"Oh baby, that was so good"
[heart behind bars] TRAP
38 years of silence and secrets

38 years I have NEVER spoken about things you did to me, or what you made me do to you!

The words make feel ashamed and angry!

Trust = gone
Love = lost

I still [heart] you--that is my pain

Doors opened to hurt me - you should have left me alone!

Big Fat Ugly Lies

Brothers are not lovers
Mom, I know you're mentally ill, but a lot of damage has been done. You wouldn't and still won't protect me from the sexual abuse I got from Mouricio. I'm still ashamed that you couldn't keep a job for more than a week. I worry for your physical health and mental. I'm embarrassed at the fact at one point in my life I didn't have a home. Mom I do wonder what has happened in your life that has caused you to be the way you are? I wonder what happened for me to be neglected, or to be called a liar (I hate that word BTW) or to be called a snitch because you decided to speak out abou the truth. Mom I still care for you but you've got my younger sister falling in your footstep and that just make me want to scream. I want all of us to live a new life. I don't want to be a victim. I wnt to be a survivor. Same w/the rest of our family. And know that I still love you know matter you have your illness or not.
Really? After all we had been through you do this to me. I was your daughter. You made me feel like I wasn't good enough. That no one could ever love me. I have been hurt by you my whole life. I will NOT let my abuse difine [sic] who I am. You may have fucked up my childhood but I am saying NO MORE! Autumn
There is only so much I can forgive and even more I can't forget. What they did left me SCARRED and DISABLED. I feel dead with a pulse. Physic interactions are rar and on my terms. Because my disabilities are invisible and came later in life, no one believed me saying I wanted attention. I want to be happy again. I want to feel safe.
Mom...Dad...
I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that you have a daughter like me. I wish people were kinder. I wish they understood.
I feel so alone.
It's been 4 years
4 years since I was drugged
4 years since I was beaten
4 years of HEALING
I remember it like it was yesterday
But every day it gets a little better
The sun keeps rising baby
What kind of "Family friend" abuses a SIX yo? When I heard you died I was SO relieved. You are just a SPOT in my history! I forgive you mama y papa for not believine me. I won't forget though! I'm OK!
I dated you for 2 1/2 years, and I was called these names: bitch, slut, whore, piece of shit, selfish bitch, asshole, worthless, cunt, autistic fuck, dumb, stupid, idiot, dumb fuck and more. I thought I deserved it. You constantly told me how I ruined your life & made you wanna die. You told me when you kill yourself that it's my fault, that you hope I feel guilty & that you hope it ruins my life like I ruined yours. On the phone you were mad cause I wouldn't show you my texts. So you grabbed your shotgun cocked it & then you hung up. You said you wished you could beat the shit out of me. You controlled who I talked to, where I went, what I wore & what I was allowed to say. Two weeks ago I said goodbye. You will never see, speak or hear from me ever again. I will finally learn to love myself.
For My Mom

She is the strongest woman I know. No one, specially [sic] you will ever break her.

I Love You

You are my greatest blessing.
I told you NO
I didn't say no
I told you "If we did IT I would hate you and myself."
Doesn't that mean NO?!
I guess it's my fault I didn't stop you. But it's to [sic] late now.
I thought you were a nice guy.
I trusted you.
Fuck You Neal!
My grandfather was allowed to sexually abuse his grandchildren. My mom, a victim of his abuse for many years, did not protect us. She had more deams than I will ever know. My sister, just 2 years older than me, took her anger out on me. She was SO violent. I was 10 years old when she tried to kill me the first time. She did NOT succeed. She successfully became a murder when she killed her own 5 year old daughter. 15 years in prison for muder is NOT enough. But I FORGIVE...my parents, my grandfather, the church leaders who told my dad to NOT report the abuse, my sister...

I FORGIVE THEM ALL!

NOT BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT, BUT BECAUSE I DO!

I deserve the freedom and healing I have found.
Mom, Sister, Aunt, Bullies--
I am not too sensitive. I'm not faking it. I was not a bad kid for not wanting a hug. Everything is not my fault. You're the ones who couldn't take any responsibility who made me suicidal. But I'm getting better, while you're all stagnant. So sick it. I am a fighter.

Women are abusers, too.
Mom,

When I first saw your face something inside me broke. The thing you have endured because of him. I am SORRY but look at you now! You are a stronger woman because of it.

ABUSE IS NOT LOVE
Girls and boys who have been sexually molested please report it! I know how it feels to be raped or molested. I was raped from when I was 5 years old til I was 7. Then I got molested July of 2019. Please report them. Rape is not a joke. I would I would have reported mine sooner.
You said raping me would make me stronger...

You lied.

Jesus picked up my broken little heart and body you broke. I am brave. I am loveable. I am kind. I am a cycle breaker. I am whoever I want to be. I am these things not because of you, but because of HIM, Jesus. Because of Him, I have hope. I forgive you.

-His Brave Little Girl
This goes to my beautiful mom who underwent being molested by a neighbor for years to turn around and fell in love with someone who left her unconscious to die after he raped her sister. He was also my dad. Thank you for surviving & teaching me about consent. I [heart] YOU MOM! [heart]/your babygirl
I never understood why my father HATED ME. I came to the conclusion IT MUST BE ME. There were days I convinced myself that I DESERVED IT. Even to this day I catch myself JUSTIFYING the ABUSE.
You violated my trust. You got in my head and made me think I had no other friends but you. So I let you play dr. with me. I still have PTSD from this.
I'm Still Bleeding
Two of my sisters were raped and sexually abused by my brother! 1 sister dealt with it in high school by telling my parents & confronting my brother! The other sister still hates him, won't be in the same room as him, but has publically called him out for HIS wrongdoings!
HOW WAS I THE ONLY SISTER NOT TOUCHED!? I WILL NEVER KNOW BUT I THANK GOD EVERYDAY!

[left sleeve]: He still won't admit to my 1 sister that is still ANGRY! LIAR

[right sleeve]: Just because you were abused doesn't mean you CAN CONTINUE THE DOMINO EFFECT BILLY!
7 years! I suffered for 7 years. 7 years of being bullied and verbally abused. To this day, I can't fully trust anyone with my secrets. But I am free from you. You can't humiliate me anymore or destroy my self-esteem or friendships. I still get mightmares, BUT, I AM FREE!!
WHY DID YOU HIT ME? WHY? Why did you hit me? I can't remember...
but I do remember in
- my boyfriend's sighs - just like yours
- my brother's scream - I remember you hit him
- the way you yell - it never changes
I'm glad it's over We're friends now. But I am your daughter SON

Why did you hit me?
CIS
I thought I was over it. But now that I'm here I realize that I'm not. I wish I could forget. So badly I wish that. I don't want it to define me. I don't think I hate you. But I'm not sure I forgive you either. I have to believe I will move past this. I have to believe in real love. I have to believe in myself. I know my worth, and it's more than my anger.
KDVIII,
I do not forgive you and I never will. I don't own you that kindness. I don't owe you anything. You sexually abused me when I was a child, for years. You can spin it however you want, you can accuse me of lying and having false memories. I don't give a fuck what you say. I was weak then but I am strong now. I know what you did. I still remember how you took advantage of my ignorance and timidness. I still remember the shame, self-hatred and humiliation I felt for years. I still remember wanting to die at 11 years old because the memories were too much for me. You can say what you want now because I don't care. I just hope that hell exists so you can burn there for what you have done.

-M

[left sleeve]: I will not forgive and I will not forget.

[right sleeve]: I was weak then, but I am strong now & I will not be manipulated by you & your lies. I am a survivor.
I may look perfectly happy and yes I am happy person. But deep down the memories, words, the hits, and demons remain. Haunting without permission. They don't tell you that healing and forgiveness is an everday uphill battle. Thank heavens for my angels that love me for me and push me to who I can be. Be loyal to your future self.
You Broke her, but she has become the strongest woman I know! All those nights LOCKED in a closet protecting her younger sisters from you, taking it all herself. She will never call you her father Again! SHE survived. SHE thrives now without you!
for Cora

“My whole family was affected by incest and sexual abuse. I am grateful for projects like this one that make people more aware, and give victims and their families a forum for expression.”
“This is a great program, it helped me to know that I’m not alone. Thank you, never stop!”
“Thank you so much for showing all these stories. Violence thrives on secrecy—stopping violence towards women, kids, and boys requires awareness and speech! I am honored to witness these lives and their courage in speaking out.”
“I had no idea there were so many people among us that are affected. This project really helped to open my eyes.”
“I work with victims every day and to be surrounded by their thoughts in such a concentration was overwhelming- The sounds- the silence- the cries for help- forgiveness- for a return to lost childhood—It makes me want to do more everyday anyway I can.”
“Thank you! I’m safe now, but I wish I knew there was so much help out there back then. Thank you for all you to do help save us.”
“Thank you for sharing your stories, you make others stronger without even knowing it. I now hope to make a difference somehow.”
“Thank you for letting us share. I feel free; now I’m not hiding.”
“This project changes the lives of our clients every time we come. Thank you.”
“What a powerful experience. I’ve never been able to speak of my abuse and this has granted me some real courage. Thank you to all of those brave enough to do what I couldn’t until today.”

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